The Taser
by Ember Carsyn
Summary: Just like Jane's phone, Darcy's taser doesn't work on Asgard. At least, not originally. And the deal she makes isn't that bad, even if Jane is probably going to be mad.


**AN: Just a short bit about Darcy and her taser. It does feature an appearance by my OC and Loki, and it is AU from their story (Loki's Language of Lies). Majorly AU. Darcy and her taser in Asgard causing havoc? I'd like to make that cannon thanks very much. **

Darcy Lewis checked her bag idly for the fifth time as she sat there, waiting for Jane and Thor to get there. She was dressed as presentably as she could, since she would be meeting the King, but it was a bit hard, since she knew from Jane's descriptions that it was windy in the bifrost. She didn't want to show up and pull a Marilyn Monroe.

She pulled out her iPod and started tapping her foot to her I'm Going to Asgard BITCHES! Playlist. She hoped her iPod would work there, but Jane's phone hadn't, so she needed to get her music fix while she could.

"So sorry we're late Darcy, there were some readings I just had to check out and are you sure Ian can manage?"

"Jane. You're going to Asgard for a week of partying that Surfs Up here proposed." Darcy rolled her eyes. "Chill."

Thor looked perplexed for a moment, then motioned for Darcy to grab hold of his shoulder, while Jane remained curled up to him. He lifted up Mjolnir, and then they were off. The music in Darcy's ears ended.

It wasn't until five hours later that Darcy learned the real problem with Asgard, as a drunk warrior tried to feel her up and her taser refused to work.

"Help!" She squealed, knowing it was useless since everyone was drunk and partying, while Heimdall kept watch over the realms for them all. It was a big deal since Jane was going to be queen someday and all.

The warrior was lifted off of her with a slim hand, throwing him to the ground. "I'll teach you some basic defense moves that will work on them." The woman said, indicating that she'd seen Darcy's attempts to use her basic elbowing and kneeing to throw off the man. "They're trained differently here."  
"My taser doesn't work." Darcy began, then froze. "Umm…my mini.."  
"I'm from Earth. I've used a taser before." The woman held out a hand. "Rhosyn. Princess of Asgard."

"So I totally thought Jane was going to be the only princess, and Odin didn't mention anything else." Darcy bumbled along, taking in the woman dressed in a forest green tunic and black pants. "So, you weren't at the feast."  
"Neither myself nor my husband like to participate in the feasts. Drunken spectacles and debauchery isn't our arena."

"Saving people in hallways from it is?" Darcy asked, as she followed after the woman. "You know, other than Sif you're the only woman I've seen in pants, and even Sif is wearing a dress tonight."

Rhosyn snorted. "Lady Sif still searches for a suitor. I've married and married well."  
"So…other prince…..green clothes…" Darcy trailed off as they turned a corner into a warm room and a clean, book reading Loki stood to greet them.

"Love…."

"One of the warriors was trying a little something and Darcy needs your help."  
"I do?" Darcy squeaked.

Rhosyn held up her taser, something Darcy knew she hadn't given to the woman.

"How'd you…."  
"She's the goddess of cons, among other things." Loki said, his voice cultured and soft. "I'd like to apologize for the destroyer and the terror it must have caused you. I was…affected by a desire for things I did not realize I had already." He took the taser and turned it over, easily removing the casing and examining the inner workings. "You have to recharge and reload it, right?"

"You know how a taser works? Thor just calls it mini myeh myeh." Darcy decided that since the woman had saved her and brought her here, it might be okay. If not, Thor would avenge her. She hoped.

"Relax," Rhosyn handed her a cup of coffee. "You'll get a headache from the mead if you don't drink this. There's nothing wrong with it. Believe me, I made it."

Darcy sniffs and smells the aroma of her favorite blend of Peet's before taking a contented sip. "I already have one. You're right horns."

"Horns?" Loki wrinkles his nose. "I got rid of that helmet, so please…"  
"Did he just say please?"  
"He's a good apprentice," Rhosyn joke easily, ushering Darcy into the next room, where Darcy blushed, realizing that she was in their private quarters and the library was merely their front room. "Here, put these on." She hands Darcy a pair of pants after snapping her fingers to cause them to become a more Darcy like shape.

"So…you're a goddess, that Thor didn't brief us on and Jane never met?" Darcy asks, as she steps behind a screen to change into the pants and the loose tunic that was thrown over to her, letting the too girly Asgardian dress lay on the floor, discarded. Jane could love Asgardian clothes all she wanted, but Darcy loved these pants much better.

"I'm Midgardian, actually. I'm not really a goddess, Loki just likes to call me that."  
"You're the goddess of my heart, darling." Loki said, slinking into the room and kissing Rhosyn, as Darcy stepped out from behind the screen. "Now, I have an idea on what an alternate power source can be, so you won't ever have to recharge it, and so that it'll have an increased range and volatility, and no need to ever reload, after I charm it."  
"What's the price?" Darcy said, with a sigh, wanting the modified taser so much better.

"You do us a favor," Rhosyn said, wrapping her arms around Loki.

And so it was that Darcy found herself in the field of battle against Thor, Sif, and the warriors three the next day at high noon, dressed once more in a ridiculous Asgardian dress, although she wore her new pair of pants underneath it, and it was a more practical dress, holding her taser as the referee gave the signal to start the fight. She could see the Prince and Princess standing in the shadows of the crowd watching, near the Allfather and Jane, but somehow still separate, with matching smirks on their faces.

She hit charge on her taser, and waited, as the little glowing blue icon increased in glowing beauty. She hadn't had a chance to test it yet, but she hoped it worked.

Of course, she didn't know that it now had recoil, so she stumbled backwards as she fired at Thor, as he rushed at her for the opening move, knocking him to the ground with more power than her taser had possessed before. A taser was supposed to just give a few seconds of no control, not completely knock out the victim and make them start spazing out.

Darcy shrugged and turned the taser on Sif, firing without waiting for a recharge, and experiencing the same result.

Thirty seconds later, she was declared victor, and was glancing at were Loki and Rhosyn had been with wide eyes, as Thor, Sif, and the warriors three all slowly emerged from their electric prisons.

Jane rushed down to make sure Thor was fine, kissing him soundly and hugging him, before turning on Darcy. "Darcy. What was that?"

"The Trick Taser?" Darcy said sheepishly. "The only taser that will work in all nine realms? It was a gift."

The Allfather stepped onto the arena dirt and walked to his son, whispering a few words in his ear, before looking at Darcy with a smile. "I see you've met my youngest son." The look of pride on his face was interesting, considering what little Darcy had been told of Loki by Jane and Thor. "Do tell him that he owes me recompense for his use of the tessaract."

"The tessaract?" Darcy whimpered. "Damn do I have one highly illegal yet badass taser. Since it's from a different realm do you think I can have it in England now Jane?"


End file.
